My first paragraph on the world of Artistic j
There was a girl named artistic j who had baby blue eyes and short blond hair. She lived in an apartment with her little one year old baby brother. All around her was a beautiful city with neon colored lights. The neon colored lights gave the city a beautiful look. She liked to ride around in her light blue colored van and experience the features of the neon colored buildings especially at night.
Jess,
ReplyDeleteYour first paragraph does a really good job of describing the setting. I like how you were very specific that she liked the neon colored lights of the city. I was wondering if her name was Artistic J or Creative J because you said Artistic J in your paragraph, but your title says the world of Creative J. Either way, it's very unique. I think you should work on the flow of your paragraph, because the sentences seem kind of disconnected. Also, your story should only have one tense: present or past. Yours jumps from past to present a lot. Anyway I can't wait to see what happens next in your story.
-Julianna C
Jess
ReplyDeleteI agree with Julianna ,your first paragraph really describes the setting.I like how you described her. Baby blue eyes instead of blue and short blond hair it was very describtive. I really like the name Artistic J, It is very pretty but interesting.One thing you should try fixing is mabey adding a little more about the city and what else there is besides the neon colors. My question is how old is Artistic J?
Cant wait to read your story!
-Alexa O